Booksigning hopes

I've got two booksignings this weekend. Here are my hopes, in order of precident:

1. I hope I don't have to sit in a draft.

2. I hope nobody asks me for relationship advice. I hate that! When that happens, I really want to say, a la Bones in Star Trek, "I'm a writer, not a licenced therapist!" And please, have you looked at my books? I write historicals. Unless you live in the 13th century, I'm probably not your gal.

3. I hope people buy a few books, so I don't feel totally like Oliver Twist: "Please ma'am, won't you buy a book?" It can be pretty uncomfortable to be sitting a table and smiling and have people just walk by and perhaps give a quizzical look, or -- worst of all! -- a scornful glance, as if you're trying to sell broken toys.

4. I hope nobody actually says something to the effect that I'm a purveyor of trash or otherwise Disgusting Material. This makes me want to scream, "THEN DON'T BUY IT." And also, move along. And other things that aren't polite.

What I won't do in that case is defend my genre. Anybody who's that rude won't be receptive, so why bother? What they will get is a look that says, "You, sir or madam, are not only wrong, you're rude and arrogant and therefore, dead to me." If I'm really strong, that will be it. I won't huff or splutter or say a word. I will just give them that look and wait for them to move on.

Fortunately, I don't have to worry that the bookstore staff will be dismissive or otherwise uncooperative. I've done at signing there before, and everything was done as well as could be on the part of the store. Believe me, that's a huge weight off my mind.

So, I'm hopeful the experience will be pleasant rather than otherwise.